Wednesday, December 2, 2009
My dog is snoring on the couch (where she is not supposed to be, but I am a poor enforcer of the rules). Her head is propped up on a pillow.
I am on the couch awake at 1:30 a.m. for some reason I cannot determine.
Eventually I will write a little about Thanksgiving camping (which, in a nutshell, was awesome).
Eventually I might write about the one moment when I thought of my mother and thought I might lose it and thought Thanksgiving would be ruined (I did not lose it, and Thanksgiving was not ruined).
I will finally, in a week or so, have more to say about this little teaching gig and the way it's been a total mind fuck. Here is the abbreviated version: Mon: Teaching today rocked! I love my students. I think I am a good teacher. Wed: Teaching sucked today. I hate my students. They hate me. I am a terrible teacher. Mon: Today I think I was more effective communicating the fundamentals of writing than I imagined was possible. Wed: I was completely ineffective and incomprehensible. Mon: My students are lame. Wed: My students are amazing. Mon: I envisioned myself hurling books at the entire class. Wed: I envisioned the entire class hurling books at me. Mon: I fantasized about walking out of the room just after tiny sharp daggers shot out of my eyes. Wed: Every single student seemed like the most wide-eyed, charming human being today.
An entire semester of teaching schizophrenia.
In a week or so, my house is going to look like a Christmas wonderland. I have decided.
In about 3 weeks I will get to go to Baton Rouge, and I am psyched beyond belief. I still don't know the dates we'll be there. I do know exactly what foods I'll eat, exactly which friends I'll see and precisely where I am going to go to give myself time to write.
Soon, I will immerse myself in writing fiction, reading fiction and training for the half-marathon.
Soon, I will have something to report about half-marathon training.
For now, I just need to get through my last classes. I just need to find a moment to clean up my disgusting house. And most immediately, I must find a way to fall asleep.
My eyes are so sleepy; but my mind is so restless and awake.
Today, I was grateful for the cold weather and rain. They made me feel happy.
Please, please, let me fall asleep. Please let me fall asleep remembering how happy I felt walking through the rain.