Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A whole lot of work

Every morning, when I see the bottom of my coffee cup I get angry inside. You'd never know looking at me that I feel volcanic over this last sip of coffee, but there is definitely a fiery, eruptive rumbling present within. Hot coffee feels like one of the few relaxing comforts in the day, no matter what other stress or frustration is occurring simultaneously. I used to work in an office where, every day around 2 p.m., someone would stop whatever she was doing to make a pot of coffee. Then we all stopped to fix a cup, and the ritual and comfort of that afternoon coffee made everyone seem slightly drunk. I wish I could drink coffee all day long without disturbing Desmond's sleep pattern.

I've decided that it is criminal that women are expected to return to work six weeks after giving birth. Criminal and the antithesis of humane, moral treatment of children, women and families as a whole. A woman I've been working with on a freelance editing project told me that her first child was born in the Netherlands, where a nurse came everyday for a month to help her, and that in Germany, where she is from, women get ten months maternity leave with 2/3 of their salary paid. Nothing about those benefits seems like a luxury. They just seems fair and sane compared to the insanity of going back to a job in six weeks as if nothing has drastically changed in your life.

Yesterday I checked in on my neighbor. She is two weeks into being a mom. At one point, she looked at me, her eyes tired and slightly shell shocked, and said, "It's a lot of work." And I could tell there was so much going on that she didn't know where to begin explaining. I just nodded and understood in a way I never could have before.

I was panicked and distressed at the time, but now I am grateful I could not find a full time job before I gave birth, even if every penny of Chris's salary gets swallowed up by bills. This too shall pass. In the meantime, I get to adjust to being a parent, learn how to manage my time so that I can be a productive individual and a mom too (and there's quite a learning curve), and most of all, enjoy this little person we created. It is a lot of work, and it is surreal.

This morning I listened to him cooing and sort of grumbling in his crib for fifteen minutes. The grumblings got louder and I went into his room expecting him to be near tears. But he was just looking at the giraffes and parrots and other animals on his blanket and making boy noises. So I put away his laundry, fixed my coffee and did a few other chores. He played with toys and talked to the animals in his crib for over thirty minutes, which made me love him more than I did last night when, kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs, he fought his sleepiness while Chris and I, hungry and exhausted tried to console him.

I look at job postings every single day during his first nap. I have yet to find a single job that seems more necessary (to the world or our basic survival) and desirable than caring for Desmond, no matter how overwhelming it gets at several points during the week. This is the only job I can handle at the moment. I never knew I'd feel this way, but I do and I've decided to embrace that feeling and all of the spit up, piss and slobber without shame.




2 comments:

  1. I think I read in Canada women get a year and men get 3 months. Of course America insane, and think about all the women who make hourly wages and get no time off at all. Thank you for your honest post. Keep it real, Hepreet! I need all the facts. (Emily)

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  2. I have yet to find a single job that seems more necessary (to the world or our basic survival) and desirable than caring for Desmond, no matter how overwhelming it gets at several points during the week. This is the only job I can handle at the moment. I never knew I'd feel this way, but I do and I've decided to embrace that feeling and all of the spit up, piss and slobber without shame.

    yes. absolutely. I felt the same. And "afterwards" , once the girls went to school, I realized that no job I was qualified for was as interesting, challenging and empowering, as bringing up 2 children. That's why I needed something big, and why I went to nursing school when they were 7 and 9. xx

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