Thursday, December 8, 2011


A few of my friends emailed to encourage and reassure me after reading these last few entries. So I also realize I must sound like a really sad and desperate new mom. I need to say that I hope people can pick up on humor in what I've written thus far, with the exception of that "Overwhelmed" entry. The day I wrote it, I'd recently returned from my first plane trip with Desmond. I had a horrible sinus infection and I'd gotten him sick too. It was a humbling and frustrating moment to realize that even when I'm sick and exhausted and all I want to do is curl up and sleep away my illness, I've got to attend to another human being.

My oldest sister, who was here for Desmond's birth and to shepherd us through our first week with him, told us repeatedly, "Just wait until he's three months. It gets so much easier." That I have finally made headway on a freelance editing job I took on before Desmond was born and that I am finding the time and energy to get back to blogging is testament to this. The successful traveling has helped too (no tears from Desmond during either plane ride!).

I'm feeling good and grateful about a lot right now, including the first meal I've cooked since giving birth. For the past three months, we've either eaten meals others have cooked for us (and we're lucky for that) or Chris has done the cooking (exhausted after a night up and a day at work), or we've had take out. But no more!

I've been longing for Desmond to give me one 1-hour nap and a 2-hour nap instead of three 1-hour naps. Yesterday, he did it! That first hour I'd been doing as many brief chores as I could in anticipation of his waking, and then the hour ended and he didn't wake. I thought, "Huh, what else can I get done?" and did a few more quick chores. Then he still wasn't up, and I wondered, "Should I wake him?" Then I thought, "No, fool! Cook dinner! Fast." I have never peeled, seeded and chopped a butternut squash so quickly. And I got the onions, ginger and garlic chopped and sauteed just as fast. I added the squash to simmer just as Desmond woke for his feeding and play time.

After he ate, I set the cooked squash aside. The dogs, Desmond, and I pulled ourselves together for an evening walk. This time I managed to pick up the dog poop. I felt stupidly proud. By the time Chris got home from work, I'd added stock and cream to the squash, pureed the mix, and butternut squash soup was on the stove. I felt like I could breathe easily.

My love for Desmond is so very big. It feels good to be at the point where I can enjoy it more thoroughly, even with a bad day here or there, and even though I find myself wondering if I'm doing things "right."

By the way, this entry is brought to you courtesy of Desmond's second consecutive day of taking a 2-hour nap. 

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