Saturday, August 8, 2009

letters to famous people.

Dear Drew Barrymore,

Your directorial debut is about roller derby girls? Really? Can your Hollywood personality be any more predictable? You used to seem so cool, but now you just seem in the midst of your own creative midlife crisis. When you were 12 and in rehab, was that caricature adolescent angst, or classic angst? I am having a hard time deciphering at this moment.

I know that roller derby isn't a fad of the early 2000s yet, but it's certainly headed that way.

I will probably watch your roller derby girl movie. But only as a rental. I might even like it. But only secretly and shamefully. Could I be having my own midlife crisis?

I am an old school Drew fan - a fan of back when you didn't seem so self-aware that you were making cliche actress/producer choices. Now you're directing, but the movie you chose to direct seems intentionally cliche. Are you typecast in every way possible?

I guess I also believe in old school roller skating: cruising to "Funky Town" on four urethane wheels, doing the Hokey Pokey. Relay racing is as competitive and violent as I want to get on skates. Old school roller skating may not be sexy and adrenaline-producing at this moment in time, but when we look back in history, I have faith that cheerful, endorphine-laden roller skating will be the Juicy Fruit to roller derby's Chewels.


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