disney mall.

1. The San Marcos Outlet Mall, second largest in the country, is Disney World for shoppers.

2. Shuttle busses will take you from one area to the next, if you so desire.

3. Buildings are shaped like castles (Neiman’s and Saks being the grandest, of course, and the others being like all the other functional parts of a castle-whatever those are. I only know the dungeon and tower.)

4. You can only imagine that you will emerge from Off Saks Fifth Avenue like Cinderella or the Yellow Rose of Texas.

5. Instead of emerging looking haggard and exhausted and totally overwhelmed.

6. Some of the stores are utterly disappointing. J. Crew to be exact. I was like, What is this? Are they playing Store the way kindergarteners play House?

7. What ride at Disney would this J. Crew Outlet be?

8. Some of the stores are definitely like going to Space Mountain.

9. Calvin Klein, to be exact.

10. A pair of Calvin Klein jeans fit me so fantastically, that after I purchased them, all day in my head I was Brooke Shields saying to myself: You wanna know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing.

11. I guess that is a bit like emerging as Cinderella. A cheap Cinderella. A two-bit cheap outlet Cinderella. I'll take it.

12. Which makes the Calvin Klein outlet more like Cinderella’s Palace than Space Mountain.

SONG: Girls on Film, Duran Duran